(warning for mentions of depression and anxiety)
Hi, anyone who's reading this right now!
So, just flat-out, I'm writing this post to officially end this blogging thing. I haven't been blogging for very long, and when I did it wasn't very frequently, but during that time, I've had a lot of good experiences and definitely a lot of personal growth just over time but also as a result of interacting with a community of people and making connections I never would have thought I could make without the platforms I use for style blogging.
If you follow me on any of my social networks for style blogging stuff, you might or might not know I haven't been active in months on any of them — maybe was trying to just leave and retire the 'Saila Ren' persona thing gradually and quietly... It's funny because for some reason, I keep ending up going by different names in different internet communities, thinking, "Oh, I'll just be going by this other name", but it always ends up becoming an entire persona, like some concentrated part of me that's also part something else. But, all these personas are a part of my universe, and I've just felt like I want to let Saila go. I'm basically (sort of) ending this connection with (part of) myself. It's not me, it's me.
Anyway, for the past several whatever number of months, I knew I hadn't been enjoying blogging or the community much anymore because my interests just strayed and I've been focusing on some other ones, so I've been more or less keeping pretty mum on my style-blogger-related social networks (and the blog itself). And, anyway, change is great! I do realize, though, that there might be some things I miss about blogging — the biggest definitely being how interesting and nice it was to be able to make connections with people in pockets of the huge, huge community.
There's a lot of people that might tell me I can still blog and pursue other things too, but I'm just not enjoying it anymore, honestly. If there's any important things I've learned recently, it's that I'm not infinite, I'm not always in control, and that it's okay to rest (like, actually rest). I've talked about depressive and anxiety disorders on this blog before, and both are exhausting just by definition. Having had them for so long, there are definitely some long-term and possibly permanent effects on brain functions and all. For me specifically, I guess I realized that I have very little energy, and that that energy needs to be budgeted and spent well.
But, anyway, no need to keep this going on and on! Life continues, the world revolves, and I'm really just making the unofficial thing an official thing (which is maybe over-arrogant of me to think anyone was actually hanging onto life for another post on ageofgarb dot blogspot dot com).
I had a lot of exciting and amazing experiences because of people I've met in this community, and there wouldn't be any way I would know what I do now and be who I am now without this entire thing and you entire thing of people. I learned a lot from this experience (kind of unavoidable after a couple years of doing it and investing so much of myself into it). I know 'goodbye'-ing on the internet might be impossible but I'm the kind of person who will constantly have anxious thoughts about something if I don't get closure. No need to close off bitterly though! I wish anyone who is reading this the best, and take care.
P.S. I will still be updating my etsy because I'm trying to downsize, so if you're thinking, "Hey, there's a thing on this blog I liked and would like to own maybe, and what if the thing is on etsy?" — well, it could definitely be (and if it's not, it will probably be sometime in the next month).